Like the fantasy she had about going across country, where no one would know her. No credit cards. No identity. She would use a false name and take on a new persona. Maybe something extravagant, like Sarah Jacobson-Meyer: no, nothing that outrageous. Debbie Something. Anderson, Johnson.

She pretended to run from a mysterious and elegantly criminal past. In the dream, she slept in a sleeping bag, in some woodsy area, eating when she could, stealing bits here and there. Vague images alluded to a process of shoplifting or panhandling that would keep her afloat. There was also a lesbian affair that appeared out of nowhere, and grew to a perfect lasting pitch. There had to be something to separate it from what is likely and possible, because she might shoplift, after all, but she would never take a woman.

So this new fantasy: in broad daylight it came to her, like the desire to gawk at a dead animal on the road, or to cheat. She could harbor the joy privately, of something that noone would have expected, and would never know about. She would know, however, and that was enough. To be in control. To play a trick.

How he came to be that way she didn't care. "Here." She gave him the crinkled bill, smiled, and went home to plot.
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      Updated 9/28/2004.

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